So Clever Tricks of the Alcoholic

Devious,cunning. Good words to describe actions of alcoholic slaves and their quest to find their favourite tipple. Some light hearted stories of my own quest.


There he is. Passed out on the couch and oblivious to the world. Drunkenly content in his self-made bubble of misery and confusion. Addiction of the mind and body has all but destroyed him. The Anxiety of the loved ones increase by the day.

Recognise this scenario? I bet you do. To the outside world the Alcoholic and Depressive seems incapable of even organising a good p**s up in a brewery (excuse the analagy). Wrong again. Inside that tormented mind and soul lies a devious and cunning human, intent on prolonging this agony as long as possible.

The quest to get your next fix, be it another drink or pill is all consuming. I might be suffering from Alcoholism and/or Depression but there is no way that I will idly stand by and have those overwhelming withdrawal symptoms consume me. It is a no-brainer. I will get what I need. Even if I have to lie through my teeth to my most precious and closed loved ones. I need what I need and you guys will just have to suck it up.

And so it goes on until eventually nobody believes a word you say and you have to go underground. In a lighter vein I can have a goog giggle now at some of my actions back in the day.

I had my grog and pills stashed all over the place. Just in case. The object was simple enough. At no time was I in danger of not having my poisons close by. If the Bottle Store or Chemist was closed. no problem. If I ran out of money. no problem.

Just a short distance from my house was a quiet little ring road that ran through a forest. Hardly any traffic and nosey pedestrians to cast a concerned glance my way. I spent a lot of time here mulling over the ills of the modern world. Of course I alwayd had a supply of my favourite items to keep me company. Then a brainwave occured to me. Why not leave a little something for that rainy day. So I chiseled out a space in one of the tree trunks and bingo. I had my own Bottle Store and Chemist.

So Clever Tricks of the Alcoholic

When all this madness subsided I always thought of some passerby stumbling on my stash and inheriting some warm beer and way out of date pills. Over the years as I have couselled other sufferers I heard the most ridiculous stories in a similar vein. Cars, toilets, garages, garden trees and all manner of quiet stash points. Somewhere to retreat to. Somewhere to get that little something to brighten up your day.

So to all those concerned loved ones. The Anxiety of the Sufferer to get his mothers milk can drive him to extremes. Beware the cunning and devious mind of the addict. Addiction of this potential poison creates a monster. You have been warned.

DO's and DONT's of Surviving Alcoholism and Depression

Anxiety of Alcoholism and your Addiction of your favourite pill needs some help. Here is my Survival Guide.

Stoned and Drunk can only lead you down one road. Anxiety of relapsing is always there. Addiction of different medications adds to the burden.

As you proceed along your journey of recovering from and surviving Alcoholism and in many cases it's best mate, Depression I thought I would throw in a few tips to help you along. The Anxiety of Alcoholism and the Addiction of your favourite poisons can throw you a curved ball. Disorderly, Stoned and Drunk is beatable. It is not a definitive list but something to even up the odds.


Do presume that you can get out of this mess. Most of us eventually do.

Do realise that you are not the first person to have these horrors on your back and unfortunately you will not be the last.

Do know that there is a lot of help out there. The effects of Alcoholism and Addiction of various medications are well documentated.

Do ask for that help when the gutter is approaching you like a "Perfect Storm". Disorderly and Drunk is not the way to go.

Do make an effort to find someone you can trust, be it a Doctor, Counsellor, Social Worker etc. And then listen to them. A Psychiatrist and Doctor will have seen worse cases than you before. They will have your best interests at heart.

Do realise that you can feel a lot worse than you do at the moment. These mothers can reduce the toughest man or woman to a mumbling broken shell of their former self.

Do remember the little word with a huge meaning-HOPE.


Do not think that you can beat the odds. If you do and have a drink you will make it into the Guiness Book of Records as the only Alcoholic to be able to drink again.

Do not think that your loved ones will stick around for ever. They have a limit, just like you. There is many miserable and lonely recovering alcoholics out there.

Do not believe that you know better than the medical guys. Did you go to medical school?

Do not believe yourself when you say I will stop drinking tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes.

Do not lie to your Doctor, Psychologist or Counsellor. They can see through you. A Psychiatrist or Doctor can only do so much.

Do not blame yourself. Your Addiction of Alcoholism and Anxiety of your past is quite understandable. Alcoholism and Depression are illnesses just like any other.

Do not stop looking for help. I saw 2 Psychiatrists, 8 Psychologists and 3 Doctors until I saw the light of day again.

"If you do not know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere."

Henry Kissinger